Revenge is a dish best served...in the last seconds of the game.

Cheerio, Hammers. Back to your proper level next season!

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We're back. With a good, tight, professional performance.

This, however, is hilarious. It didn't take long for the Hammers' bubble to burst. They've been put firmly back in the box as the makeweights they really are.

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Oh dear. Our 3 summer signings don't look exactly thrilled at the prospect of playing for the greatest team the world has ever known, do they?

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Oh dear. Much as it pains me to say this about a fan of the Tottenham Hotspur Feeder And Retirement XI (sometimes known as West Ham), I think Iain Dale may be right (other than with the floating apostrophe!):

This is Tottenham Hostpur's new away strip. Bring's a whole new relevance to the chant:

YOU'RE SH*T, AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE

Spurs say it's chocolate and gold. Hmmm...

Weird. All I ever want when Germany play football is to see them lose. And given how wonderful the Argies have been, I thought that's what I'd want again. But when they went a goal down, I found myself urging the Germans on, hoping they'd come back. And then, when it came to penalties, I so wanted them to win.

Why? In part I suppose it's because German teams have always been so clinical, so efficient, and so dour. But this German team is about passion and skill. And it's such a boost to the World Cup itself.

But the real reason, of course, is because when Germany win, it's down to this man:

When you want passion and skill, put a Spurs man in charge.

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Oh well. Spurs' 4th place always had an air of unreality about it, however excited by the prospect we might have been at times. We haven't really played that well this season, grinding out results in the manner of - ahem - the Arse of old.

If we'd been offered 5th last August, we'd have snapped it up straight away. And we'd probably have crashed out of the Champions League anyway, a la Everton. At least we have a chance of beating the Finnish fishermen.

Hateful as it is to write this, Arsenal have at times been sensational, which we never have. We've made huge strides, it's been a great season, and there are some fantastic things to work on next season, but I guess the table doesn't lie.

Then again, if it wasn't for conceding an unbelievably soft last minute goal at home to our bete noire this season, West Ham, and then 10 of the team getting food poisoning and losing to them today, we'd have been 4th.

Still, the Hammers serve a useful purpose as a feeder club for some of our players and a retirement home for the others. And they'll be in a relegation fight next year, anyway, so they're not really worth hating.

Here's hoping that Arsene Wenger's International XI get well and truly humiliated by Barcelona.

Player of the seaon for me has been Michael Dawson. An awesome defender. The fact he's not even in the frame for England says all one needs to know about Sven.

Come on you Spurs!

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Deary me, yesterday was a terrible night for football. A scratch international XI beat Juventus. UEFA need to do something to stop a repeat. Still, good to see them made to struggle. Any half-decent team should have pushed at least a dozen past Juventus, and they could only manage a pathetic two goals.

At the beginning of the season I backed Lyon to win at 16/1. Let's hope it comes off, for the sake of both football and my bank balance.

(Worst of all, my understanding is that if the Gooners win the Champions League - a diabolical enough prospect in its own right - but finish 5th or lower in the Premiership, that would mean that the club finishing 4th will not get a Champions League place. Still, to look on the bright side, as one of my friends has just texted me: 'They won't win and we won't finish 4th'.)

Now this is a rum thing. Today's Guardian has a piece bv Simon Hattenstone in which he recounts a chant by Spurs fans at Sunday's game, sung to the tune of Lord of the Dance (it's spectacularly offensive so don't read any more of this post if that bothers you):

Sol, Sol, wherever you may be/You're on the verge of lunacy/And we don't give a fuck if you're hanging from a tree/You Judas cunt with HIV.

The only problem with the story is that I was at the game, as I am at all home games, and heard no such chant. Nadda. Nuffink. Now it may be, of course, that there were a few people who did indeed sing it, but the clear implication of the piece is that the chant was sung audibly by, at the very least, a large section of the the crowd. And that is - since this post already has its share of vile words, another swear word won't hurt - total, utter bollocks.

How amazing that the Guardian has printed a story which is pure fanstasy.

(And would it be reading too much into it to find it odd that, the day after publishing Chris McGreal's piece of anti-Israel distortions, the Guardian then has a go at the White Hart Lane crowd, given that Spurs are widely known as the Jewish team? Almost certainly it would indeed be reading too much into it. But almost is the operative word.)

Far be it for me to criticise anything done by the human God that is Martin Jol, but if my puzzlement as to why we need yet another midfielder, rather than a striker to replace the comically inept Raziak, wasn't enough, this quote from Hossom Ghlay will take some explaining away:

I know that I can make it in Europe, that is a dream which I want to live. I have one big wish and that is to play for my dream team Arsenal some day. That club shows the most beautiful football in the world; technical, fast, one touch. I find it magnificent watching them play. Robin van Persie is lucky playing for such a huge team.

Bring on Torres, I say!

The Times is as pereceptive today as ever:

ENGLAND 2010?

TEAM (4-5-1): P Robinson (Tottenham Hotspur) — A Gardner (Tottenham Hotspur), L King (Tottenham Hotspur), M Dawson (Tottenham Hotspur), T Huddlestone (Tottenham Hotspur) — W Routledge (Tottenham Hotspur), J Jenas (Tottenham Hotspur), M Carrick (Tottenham Hotspur), S Davis (Tottenham Hotspur), A Lennon (Tottenham Hotspur) — J Defoe (Tottenham Hotspur).

But, I want to know: what about Calum Davenport?

Mihir Bose is by far the most well-informed sports writer around. I only hope that he's as accurate as usual in his piece today: Ajax renovation plans to go ahead without Jol .

The Spurs manager, Martin Jol, has been 'linked' (to use the word which means that a few hacks have put 2 and 2 together and probably made 5) with the now vacant coach's role at Ajax.

In this context, I clearly owe Peter Schmeichel an apology. For years I have thought that he was a typical Red - overbearing, arrgoant, contemptuous and deserving of pillory.

Clearly, however, he is a man of exquisite taste and judgement. As he put it on Match of the Day last night:

Spurs is a bigger job than Ajax.

Quite right, too.

There was a glorious moment at White Hart Lane on Saturday. Turning the chants which we used to have directed against us by opposition fans to our advantage, we yell 'Yid Army' generally and 'Yiddo' specifically when one of our players does something good.

Our new signing, Mido, made a stunning debut against Portsmouth, scoring two goals and playing superbly throughout. So he was, of course, granted the honour of a 'Yiddo' chant.

Mido is Egyptian. It was rather wonderful to be able to yell 'Mido, Yiddo'. Israel does, after all, have a peace treaty with Egypt.

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Apparently there's a special rule at Old Trafford: the ball has to hit the net to count as a goal.

If ever anyone doubted the importance of using TV technology in football, last night's farce at Old Trafford will surely change their mind. Every time I see the old buffers talking about how it would change the game to use TV footage to determine decisions, as if that is somehow something to be avoided, I think 'yes, precisely'. They're like people who refused to use electric lighting because the quality of light wasn't the same as that from gas lamps.

(You can pretty much guarantee, of course, that if it had been a United goal it would have been given.)

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If they keep this up, they might get to be as good as Spurs.

Well, at least he knows better than Dean Richards what it is to be a defendi.

All we need now is to sign Midfieldo and Hattricku and we're up there with the Gooners.

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This is what's known as a dilemma.

Can't say I'm jumping for joy at the appointment of Jacques Santini as manager of the greatest team the world has ever known, but he does seem like a good coach. I hope I'm wrong, but I fear the current phase of hiring only managers with a foreign name is based more on trendiness than sense. The Gooners aren't - grrrrr - as successful as they are because they're managed by a Frenchman, but because they're managed by one of the greatest managers in history.

Anyway, the dilemma: Do I hope that the French win the European Championships and that Spurs thus have a manager who has won an international championship?

Or do I hope for what, until yesterday, I was - like all Englishmen - firmly wishing: that they collapse in the first round because they are, well, French, and with the lovely side effect of ruining the morale of some of Arsenal's best players?

As if it's not a torment enought supporting the Lillywhites, now they give us something else to stress over.

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Excellent. Spurs will have at least 6 points next season.

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Richards - Confidence is at a low

Tottenham defender Dean Richards admits the players' confidence has been affected by their poor league position.

...Spurs have avoided relegation, but the result at Villa Park means Spurs have gone eight games without a win.

"It is an added pressure and something you don't want to be associated with. Looking at the league table does affect you," Richards told the club's official website.

"Even though I haven't been in the team of late it has affected me. We know, with the squad we've got and the club we play for, we should never be in this sort of position.

"It is hard to take but it is where we are and we must get on with it."

Dear Dean,

You're crap, half the team's useless, the other half hasn't got a clue what to do, there's no manager, the board doesn't seem to give a damn and the supporters are fed up. We're about to have our worst ever finish in the Premiership.

So thanks, Dean, for your insight. Since your utter inability to do anything approaching the job for which you are paid Lord-knows-how-many thousands of pounds a week is one of the reasons we have had such a terrible season, perhaps next season you can offer your thoughts to some team mates in the First Division, which is about your level.

Not that I'm pissed off or anything.

Disgusted of White Hart Lane

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Back from White Hart Lane, where, for the first time since 2002, Spurs played some decent football. And, glory be, Helder Postiga scored his first goal for us. At last.

The first of many...

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