| July | 05 |
| 2006 |
(The Leonard Cheshire charity, which has an income of £135 million a year and helps 21,000 disabled people in the UK, has decided to change its name because, according to its director-general, Bryan Dutton: “It’s important that the young generation know who we are and what we do.” To that end, it has suggested eQual UK, Equability UK or A-BL UK as possibilities. The charity has assured Lord Cheshire’s relatives that his name will be incorporated “ within” the new name.)
Forgive my using the pages of The Times for a personal announcement, but from now on I’d like to be known not as Stephen Pollard but as Rite4DoughSP.
I’ve realised that the words Stephen and Pollard are anachronistic. They are — sorry Mummy and Daddy — the product of a mind-set from an age long gone, and aren’t remotely hip enough to convey just what a swinging, urban, wicked and beating man I really am.
Rite4DoughSP, on the other hand, says what I am about, has my branding within it, and is dead witty — doesn’t the deliberate misspelling just crack you up?!
So hats off to the board of Leonard Cheshire, too. What a beating group they are. They’ve realised that the name of their founder is just so, well, old. Who wants to be known by the name of some dead war hero, when instead there are such cracking alternatives as eQual UK, Equability UK and A-BL UK? Only the frigid would point out that the possible new names sound more like an exam board, a club for the mild-mannered and the first three letters of the dyslexic alphabet.
And only the terminally unhip would care that incorporating the name of a war hero in a piece of marketing zing is an insult to his memory. What do they think a charity should be for if it’s not being down and dirty with street culture? As for sticking just with the name of its war hero founder: war is just so not cool. And charity is really cool. So how can a charity have a war hero’s name? Duh.
Yeah, it’s groovy. The street’s where it’s at. The yoof’s where it’s at.
(Oh, and as far as I know, until now there’s been no such street-word as “beating”, but as Rite4DoughSP, me is so cool that me only has to think something’s happening and it is. So it’s beating. Yeah.)

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Yo Rite4DoeSP, I regret to inform you that cool is so unhip these days that it's practically invertebrate.
But that minor correction aside, I agree completely
AB-L UK and the others are the sort of thing that some Saatchi wannabee comes up with having inhaled a little too much nasal candy at the Groucho club or wherever it is that trendy advertising executives hang these days. It might possibly work for a Web 2.0 company headquartered in San Francusco but probably not for anything with its head quarters further East and especially not if it is actually a charity dedicated to helping old farts
Aren't their plenty of other institutions named after dead guys that could be rebranded? The Nobel prizes aren't very relevant to modern youth so why don't we rename them the Brain-E-Box awards. Sticking with charities how about:
Barnardo's -> KidzKare
The Joseph Rowntree Foundation -> PVRTY
Howard League -> SKUMFREE-UK
Ross - Brain-E-Box awards ... I laughed aloud.
Is there an email address for the cultural savages who have thought this programme up and doubtless feel rather pleased about it? Yet one more step toward rootlessness in Britain, made over the last decade into a country with no history and no culture. What do these loons think they are going to achieve? Millions of pounds pouring in? From ... who? Who, exactly, do they think their donors are?
Group Captain Geoffrey Leonard Cheshire, Baron Cheshire, VC, OM, DSO and 2 Bars, DFC at Wikipedia
I never knew his father was the truly brilliant Geoffrey Cheshire of Modern Law of Real Property, Private International Law (that book saved my ass on at least two occasions) and The Law of Contract fame.
"Yet one more step toward rootlessness in Britain, made over the last decade into a country with no history and no culture."
From a Reuters article dated 04-Jul-06:
"The Lords ushered in a new era on Tuesday, abolishing the 1,400-year-old post of Lord Chancellor and for the first time electing a speaker to preside over the upper house."
It is an imutable law of corporate life that rebranding signals the group is on the skids and/or they about to be taken to the cleaners by the advertising company.It is a sign that executives want to make a mark,but don't really have anything to do.
Well considering the only qualification is having shared a flat with the prime minister,they may as well put the job on eBay.
In future the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation will be known as XPwozUs. Please give generously and frequently.
At the risk of becoming sycophantic - once again Stephen Pollard is so correct. What's to add to it? Good to see Verity back again as well.
Mixed views here...
I wholeheartedly agree with all the comments made about Leonard Cheshire - not only a war hero of the highest order (you don't get a VC for cleaning out the toilets - unlike in the US army (!!) but also an extraordinary level of commitment and service in peacetime as well.
Not sure why the House of Lords should be shoehorned into the debate though. The whole shebang should have been abolished years ago - what's going on now is a typical New Labour fudge/cock up of the highest order.
PS - Ross - thanks for my first LOL moment of the day!!
If they are looking for a bright, modern catchy name, I understand that "Consignia" is currently not being used . . . .
. . . . and "Lymeswold" and "NSM" are also currently available.
. . . . and "Lymeswold" and "NSM" are also currently available.
The House of Lords is the only part of the British constitutional structure that actually fulfils its function of carefully scrutinizing the legislation before it is passed and amending it whether the government likes it or not. Shut them down, Mark, and we shall have achieved that wonderful state of elected dictatorship that I am sure you would not like to see. Of course, even they cannot stop or change EU legislation (something like 80 per cent of the total) as that has supremacy over British legislation. The House has changed many times over the last few centuries so there is no intrinsic reason why it should not change again. The new Speaker is not really going to run the business the way they do it in Another Place (House of Commons) as the Lords police themselves. Sorry to go on at length on a subject that is not directly relevant to the original posting but a.) I was too horrified by the news of what is happening to the Cheshire Homes but b.) dislike the kind of semi-ignorant stuff that is being said about the House of Lords.
"you don't get a VC for cleaning out the toilets - unlike in the US army"
One thing is certain: Brits like Mark Smith surely weren't worth one drop of American blood.
"what's going on now is a typical New Labour fudge/cock up of the highest order."
It's not just a matter of the Labour party. The British have perfected the knack of screwing up most things. Take, for instance, their conduct in two world wars, until they were saved from themselves by U.S. intervention. And that they were almost beaten by a rag-tag army of ill-equipped and half-starved farmers during the Boer War speaks for itself.
Joshua said: -
"It's not just a matter of the Labour party. The British have perfected the knack of screwing up most things. Take, for instance, their conduct in two world wars, until they were saved from themselves by U.S. intervention. And that they were almost beaten by a rag-tag army of ill-equipped and half-starved farmers during the Boer War speaks for itself."
An interesting 'anti British' tirade Joshua - not sure how it relates to Leonard Cheshire... ;-)
"And that they were almost beaten by a rag-tag army of ill-equipped and half-starved farmers during the Boer War speaks for itself."
As opposed to being actually beaten by a rag-tag army of ill-equipped and half-starved farmers during the Vietnam War.
"The British have perfected the knack of screwing up most things. Take, for instance, their conduct in two world wars, until they were saved from themselves by U.S. intervention."
You mean our conduct in northern France? At Dunkirk? The conduct of RAF pilots in the Battle of Britain? Millions of civilians keeping their heads and thair civilisation as Lufwaffe bombs rained down in their thousands? What about the conduct of thousands of British troops in the Far East? Royal Navy conduct across the globe? Merchant navy conduct in the freezing north and across the Atlantic? What conduct are you talking about?
Actually, Ross, you are wrong. The Vietcong was well-equipped and well armed by North Vietnam and were defeated by the American forces. That war was lost politically, thanks to a great extent, to the media.
I suspect that what rather ignorant critics of Britain and the British mean when they sneer at the "conduct" is that of the establishment. After all, a good deal of what Pete describes was glorious and well-conducted defeat. That should not have happened.
Who exactly,except for a couple of third world countie,s has America defeated on her own? Don't say the Revolution,we were fighting the French at the same time.They usually pitch in when the war has been going on for years,after they have made a huge profit out of it
Thank you, James Higham.
Unfortunately, eQual UK has a whiff of a public sector attempt at fashionability. The lower case 'e', upper case 'Q' and the 'UK'. Hardly original, but in a way it's good that they're keeping up with trends. A shame they couldn't incorporate an @ or some >
The local council in my old town have rebranded the area surrounding the cathedral as the 'Cathedral Quarter'. A total embarrassment as it boils down to a couple of pubs and some olde worlde tea shops, but again, you've just got to give the public sector credit for its innovativeness.
http://www.lincoln.ac.uk/home/lincoln/cathedral/index.htm
Helen - we now have an unelected dictatorship. Why on earth do you think this is better than an "elected dictatorship" would be? And as for the Lords "policing themselves" - it's bad enough when the police do it, but at least they are trained to be police.
Richy - you forgot to add that there should be a meaningless swish of paint under the non-words.
Verity,
Perhaps you're right.
I'm not really up on this public sector street cred thing, but I got the impression that a paint swish could be a bit 80s-ish to mid 90s-ish. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Still, it's going to be worthwhile waiting for the promotional material to be released. I can imagine all sorts of smiling multi-cultural serenity in the accompanying photos - those models must be millionaires now.
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I'm so glad I brought that newspaper home from my trip and found this article. It is BEATING fer sure! I fwd'd to all family and others with love for the language.
Thank you for posting it on your weblog as the cleaning ladies cleaned out the office.
PM

