Stephen Pollard • Yawn

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Previous: What a load of rubbish
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June	26
2006

Yawn

» Posted on June 26, 2006 10:04 AM » Category: Sport

The good news is it's pissing down as I look through my study window, and the forecast says it'll carry on for most of the day. Fingers crossed the rain keeps up for a fortnight, and not only will we not have to go to stand pipes later in the summer for our water but - far more importantly - that bore of all bores will be abandoned as a washout.

If only. Instead, we'll have to suffer two weeks of non-stop coverage of the sport for people who don't like sport. What a giant yawn Wimbledon is.

(And by the way, I know how enraged my making this point makes tennis fanatics. So please feel free to insult me and my views, but keep in mind one thing: I don't care. In fact I positively relish the fact that my contempt for tennis as a so-called sport drives you all mad. So go on - insult me and my view: make my day!)

UPDATE: The comments are wonderful - light the touchpaper and watch the sparks fly!

One commenter implies that my "world-renowned physique" is in some way connected to my dislike of tennis. I wonder if he's the same chap to whom I have referred previously:

The biggest postbag I have ever received, by quite a long margin, was when I was on the Express and I wrote a couple of sentences after Britain had lost in the Davis Cup to the US. My piece was, almost in its entirety:
Who cares? It's only tennis.

The angry letters flooded in. The best was from someone who had clearly gone to a lot of trouble. Using letters that had been cut from newspapers and mags, blackmail style, it simply said:

You hate tennis because you are a fat bastard.

Whilst the latter point was 50 per cent correct, it was of course a non sequitur to associate this with the fact that I consider tennis to be mind-numbingly tedious: the sport for people who don't like sport.

Another commenter however appears slightly over wrought by my having supposedly written about my dislike of New Year's Eve "three years consecutively in The Times". Quite what this has to do with a post about Wimbledon I don't know but, just for the record, it's utter nonsense. I have written about it there once, last December. (I also wrote about it in 2004 in the Mail and in 2003 in the Independent. Unless I am mistaken, they are different newspapers with different readers.)

MessageSpace

Comments

I don't have an opinion on tennis either way. I just think this post is a near-perfect example of why - despite being a clever and lively writer - Stephen Pollard is hard to take seriously. His use of provocation to draw attention to himself is so transparent it's almost touching (like a misbehaving sixteen year old, who demands to be punished but actually wants a hug). He knows this, of course, and I suspect he tells himself that he doesn't wish to be taken seriously. But I also suspect that he doesn't entirely convince himself.

Stated by: Sir Winston O' Boogie on June 26, 2006 11:02 AM

Stephen, you're absolutely right! Tennis is a sport, for those who don't like sport. Which is why I'm so excited about Wimbledon! I dislike most other sports, and hate football...

Stated by: Gareth Russell on June 26, 2006 12:14 PM

Stephen

I have to disagree with your opinion of tennis.

Knowing your world-renowned physique, it would be hugely entertaining to see you play a set or two on Centre Court !

Stated by: Paul on June 26, 2006 12:51 PM

Stephen, I wonder if you have got that article ready to go about how much you hate New Year's Eve. You know, the same one you have run three years consecutively in the Times. You have my respect for sheer brass neck on that one, if not for your work ethic.

Stated by: Johnathan Pearce on June 26, 2006 1:26 PM

Of course the real issue is whether tennis fans get more annoyed by Stephen criticising Wimbledon than Stephen himself does when people criticise horse-racing, the stupidest sport known to man.

Stated by: Martin Adamson on June 26, 2006 1:49 PM

Wimbledon Scores Own Goal!

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/26062006/140/great-england-club-cover.html

Stated by: Rob on June 26, 2006 2:13 PM

Tennis is like someone talking at you for hours in a droning voice. And the players are obnoxious. Who gives a crap whether they boost their egos with a win or not? Who c-a-a-a-r-e-s? It's only people bouncing around a court trying to hit a ball for god's sake.

Stated by: Verity on June 26, 2006 2:40 PM

Verity I'm surprised at you. All sports (and nearly all human activity) can be reduced to an "it's only people .......", fill in the spaces. Football - trying to kick a ball into a net, Horse racing - sitting onthe back of a nag, hoping it will cross the line before the spectators fall asleep with boredom - you get the picture.

Stated by: Rob on June 26, 2006 2:58 PM

There are only three sports - hunting, shooting and fishing. The rest are games. As far as dull ones go, tennis is right up there with golf. Utter bore-athons. Let it rain.

Stated by: Pete_London on June 26, 2006 3:53 PM

Oh, god! I forgot golf!

Stated by: Verity on June 26, 2006 4:07 PM

Okay, so you wrote about your hatred for an event - NY Eve -- in three different papers rather than one. But the point stands: you wrote about your bugbear three years in a row, and persuaded some editor to pay you for it.

I mentioned this because like your tirades against tennis, it is an example of how I have gotten disenchanted with your writing style. You just rant away. There is no originality or light touch any more. And yet in theory I should support pretty much 90 percent of what you say, but your style is just awful.

Sorry to be blunt but I dislike seeing a fine writer making an ass of himself.

Stated by: Johnathan on June 26, 2006 4:28 PM

At least in tennis one can see a point scored in less than a minute. In football, we are lucky when we see see one goal scored in one hour.
In fact, just today I saw an article saying that for all practical purposes football could be played without the ball. No prizes for guessing in which country the article was published.

Stated by: Arthur on June 26, 2006 4:57 PM

Arthur - Who cares?

Stated by: Verity on June 26, 2006 5:35 PM

A whole bunch of nags running round in circles to the sound of the bookmaker's tills. Now that is a sport for those that don't like sport. It comes somewhere below watching the grass grow, and even below tennis which is, I have to say, pretty boring.

Stated by: Steve on June 26, 2006 7:22 PM

It seems a rather canny idea for a columnist to have annual events as his pet hates.

There's New Years, Glastonbury and Wimbledon but there is a bit of a gap from August to December. How about taking exception to Bonfire Night or Halloween?

Stated by: Ross on June 27, 2006 1:12 AM

Stephen, being an Englishman, may have neglected loathing opportunities north of the border and in Wales. I can't think of any, but as Stephen is an intrepid loather, like moi-self, he can probably identify a couple to see him through.

Stated by: Verity on June 27, 2006 3:18 AM

Maybe I have been too harsh on Stephen's rather lazy recycling of hatreds. Perhaps I should start a weekly column over at Samizdata about my hatred for Norwich City FC, people on the Tube who don't use underarm deoderant, the Guardian letters page, Edward Heath....

Stated by: Johnathan on June 27, 2006 8:37 AM

Arthur, that article could have easily been published in Canada, US, Australia or NZ. Or even some parts of Ireland. India and Pakistan maybe. Sri Lanka. Mmm, various Pacific Islands maybe. Within the Afrikaaner community in South Africa? Various Baltic countries for whom soccer is below ice hockey and basketball.

Go on, give us a clue.

Stated by: Effing and Blinding on June 27, 2006 10:25 AM

Effing and Blinding: published in the USA actually:
http://www.weeklystandard.com/Utilities/printer_preview.asp?idArticle=12384&R=ECD11460

Stated by: Arthur on June 27, 2006 10:56 AM

OK then Stephen, here's a test. Watch Roger Federer in action, for one match. Observe the sublime grace, skill and athleticism with which he goes about his task.

Then answer the question: is that sport?

Next, think of Grzegorz Rasiak, whom I believe you have paid good money to watch on several occasions over the last nine months. Consider his hopeless attempts to run in a straight line without falling over.

Then answer the question: is that sport?

Tough, isn't it?

Stated by: Jonathan on June 27, 2006 4:15 PM

Apologies - re-reading your original post, I see you do not actually say that tennis is not a sport. Never mind. I'll rephrase it: surely people who appreciate sport also appreciate the likes of Federer and Agassi? I think your ire should be reserved for the BBC's endlessly irritating Wimbledon coverage, rather than the event itself.

Stated by: Jonathan on June 27, 2006 4:22 PM

Tennis is as games go a very poor spectacle in my mind. The fact that whenever they feel like it the Beeb fill both terrestrial channels with it often at the same time makes my blood boil.

How after losing all the other flagship sporting events have the Beeb managed to keep Wimbledon coverage seemingly uncontested?
I think Channel 5 would be a far better home for tennis as we cannot recieve it.

Stated by: Rich on June 27, 2006 5:41 PM

Verity: being an "intrepid loather", like 'toi-self' (oh god), no doubt Stephen loathes your constant brown-nosing. Why not give it a rest? No one reads this blog to find out whether YOU like tennis or not.

Stated by: Not Martina Hingis on June 28, 2006 6:22 AM

Not Martina Hingis - I disagree with Stephen frequently, and say so. But, save the masochists, most of us frequent blogs whose owners we largely agree with. We also read blogs with comments because we enjoy the diversity of replies. Clearly, you don't.

I don't know you well. I don't know you at all. I have not invited you to use the familiar form of you. Your ill-judged mockery should have read vous-self to be consistent.

Stated by: Verity on June 28, 2006 3:20 PM

Stated by: adsf on July 1, 2006 3:42 AM

Stated by: sfg on July 1, 2006 3:43 AM

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