November 27
2004
Joyous
» Posted on November 27, 2004 04:42 PM » Category: General

Six or seven years ago, I used to look forward to a weekly column in the Express by Ysenda Maxtone Graham. Along with my colleagues, we'd marvel at how she was able to write a full page about absolutely nothing.

My two favourites were an item in which she described what it was like having a cold - runny nose, feel crap - as if no reader had ever had one and needed the information, and another item about biros, in which she pointed out that the fact they were so cheap meant that it didn't really matter if you lost one.

I have missed her unique brand of banality.

So you can imagine my joy when discovering a piece in today's Telegraph. It's not by Ms Maxtone Graham but by Leonie Frieda. And it's very different in tone. But it shares the essential quality of my former idol's writings. It is quite mind-numbingly dull.

Please, please, please have a read of Ms Frieda's piece and then tell me, via the comments box: is there a single sentence in it which could possibly be of the slightest interest to anyone?


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Comments

The purpose and point is quite clear: look at me and envy - you losers!

Stated by: Michael on November 27, 2004 5:27 PM

The operative words were ' my boyfriend Andrew Roberts'. Do you think if she had been Tracey from Essex and her boyfriend Wayne she would have been given an outlet for her dribblings....then again did Roberts pick her for her brain? Two things indicate to me that he did not....can't remember what you Earthlings call them....Labour Party MPs ...erm ..LibDems err..? Oh! I remember! T*ts! And she writes the male equivalent of her two things....begins with bollo......etc!

Stated by: dave t on November 27, 2004 5:58 PM

"After a couple of days and sleepless nights, the jet lag was so bad that I forgot to look down while walking out of a restaurant after dinner and actually did a prat-fall down the last step into a fellow diner's Rolls-Royce"

I found it interesting that karma is still operating, albeit pre-emptively here!

Stated by: Edward on November 27, 2004 7:03 PM

Edward - V funny!

The extraordinary thing about the article is, I could hear her monotone voice droning every word, without inflexion or pause. It all sounded like the inside of a plane in flight. The dull drone, the sameness, the sense that it will never end.

The only mildly interesting bit came near to top of the story, when she claimed they had been downgraded. Yeah. Right. They had bought cheap tickets in the expectation of an upgrade which didn't materialise.

Stated by: Verity on November 27, 2004 9:16 PM

All about the rich and beautiful Ms. Frieda:

About the Author

Swedish by birth, but educated in Britain, Germany and France, Leonie Frieda speaks five languages. Her researches on Catherine de Medici has taken her to Paris, Florence and Rome, as well as the châteaux of the Loire. Her next book is a biography of the Great War soldier and letter-writer Edward Horner. She lives in London with her daughter Elisabeth and son Jake.

Contact:

c/o Katie White,
Publicity Director,
Weidenfeld & Nicolson,
Orion House,
5 Upper St Martin's Lane,
London, WC2
Tel: 020 7240 3444

February 12, 2004 (Times interview)

LEONIE FRIEDA, 47, is a former model and translator who is now the maîtresse de salon of London’s literary scene and author of a biography of Catherine de Medici. She was born in Sweden, and educated in Britain, Germany and France before marrying Nigel Frieda, a music producer. Together, they built up and co-owned the Matrix recording studio — used by the Rolling Stones and Oasis. After her divorce, Frieda began researching her first book, which took her to Paris, Florence, Rome and the châteaux of the Loire. She lives in London with her daughter Elisabeth and son Jake, and is working on her second historical biography.

What’s in your make-up bag?
Bobbi Brown moisture-rich foundation and shimmer lipsticks, Lancôme mascara, lash thickener, brown eye pencils, clear lipgloss, BeneFit lip pump and Dior sun blusher.

Your desert island essentials?
The Bible, books, my old shahtoosh, eight-hour cream and Mozart’s Vesperae, ideally sung by Dame Kiri Te Kanawa.

Do you have a beauty secret?
Handing over the maintenance of my body to Tim at Total Physique management, who is a superb nutritionist. Nothing is better than a person who looks healthy. You glow.

Expose a beauty/fashion myth.
You can be too thin.

Are you high-maintenance?
I like to look as though I run on rocket fuel when in fact I secretly run on two-stroke.

Who does your hair?
In Paris, Christophe colours it. Otherwise, Sarah at Neville in Pont Street. Davey Roussell, another Parisian, cuts it.

Do you put your face on before you go out?
If I am rested and healthy, then perhaps just a little eye pencil and lipgloss. I like to keep it as natural as possible.

Leonie Frieda never leaves home without?
Dark glasses.

Define your style.
Simple but high-quality, well-cut clothes. I wear a lot of jackets and trouser suits by YSL, Ralph Lauren, Armani and Dolce & Gabbana.

What do you wear to work?
Jeans and T-shirt — I work at home.

Hot date: what do you wear?
Again, simple is sexy, so classic clothes with a twist — groomed but natural-looking.

What do you wear to bed?
Short silk slips. I must have at least 50.

You are the fashion police. What do you ban?
VPLs, white shoes and too much tacky label gear.

When was your last sartorial embarrassment?
Friends say embarrassment is not an emotion with which I have been blessed.

How old is too old for a micro-mini?
It depends on the opaqueness of the tights and the legs wearing them.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Trips to Dr Irene Papiero, my dermatologist in Paris, for fantastic face-feeding treatments with organic products.

Leonie Frieda wouldn’t be caught dead in:
Debt.

What quality do you most admire in a person?
Honesty.

Can you judge a book by its cover?
I hope so — my publishers did such a lovely job with mine.

Who is the most beautiful woman?
Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly or Lauren Hutton (at 60).

What are your guilty pleasures?
Playing tennis when I should be working.

And your dirty habits?
Smoking.

Name a cheap thrill.
At my age, the words “cheap thrill” are fast becoming an oxymoron.

The best advice you have ever been given?
Seek harmony in all things.

Your idea of bliss?
Phones off, lying in bed watching tennis or football (preferably Chelsea) on TV, eating Muller rice

Where do you go on holiday?
Holidays with my very generous boyfriend include skiing in Lech or Zermatt, or summers spent in Tuscany.

Do you read the glossies?
When I have time I look at Vogue, Tatler, Harper’s and W.

What are you most and least proud of?
Most proud of my children; least proud of smoking.

Your most recent purchase?
A short YSL black jacket with ruffles down the front.

As whom would you like to come back in your next life?
Me. I love my life, so far, and apart from a few knocks I’ve had a wonderful adventure.

Do you have any regrets?
I don’t believe in regret.

Where do men get it wrong in the style stakes?
Older men wearing ludicrously young fashions and silly haircuts.

Your thoughts on plastic surgery?
Techniques are so advanced now that I think on the whole it can be great, as long as people stay looking like themselves and not too weird.

What part of your body would you change?
Nothing, not because I am perfect but because I like being me.

What is your motto?
I have adopted the British Army motto. When things don't quite go according to plan I just say “Fido”, which stands for “F**k it! Drive on”.

How good-looking are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Rested and well fed I can scrub up OK, so how about six on a good day?

Interview by Carolyn Asome for The Times

Catherine de Medici: A Biography by Leonie Frieda (Weidenfeld & Nicholson, £20)


'Catherine de Medici' will be published by Fourth Estate in the USA in autumn 2004, and in Swedish translation by Prisma Publishing in 2005

Photos of Leonie Frieda by Bolla Denehy

http://www.leoniefrieda.com/about_the_author.htm

Stated by: Sami on November 28, 2004 10:27 AM

Some reviews of her Catherine de Medici:

‘Leonie Frieda does this remarkable woman full justice. Refusing to play judge, she reveals her to us through the best of means, which is narrative. The skill with which Frieda finds her way through the maze of this confusing period is exemplary. You read on eagerly. An enthralling book.’
Allan Massie, Literary Review

'This masterful and compelling biography delivers a beautifully written portrait of a ruthless, subtle and fearless woman fighting for survival and power in a world of gangsterish brutality, routine assassination and religious mania. I quickly found I could not stop reading. This is narrative history at its best, both scholarly and as captivating as a thriller. Leonie Frieda has brought a largely forgotten heroine-villainess and a whole sumptuously vicious era back to life again. She is equally at home in the royal court as she is in the blood-reeking gutters of Paris: this is The Godfather meets Elizabeth.’
Simon Sebag Montefiore, The Mail on Sunday

'A stunning biography, which brings to life a heroic woman and the tumultuous, cruel and gaudy times in which she lived.'
Paul Johnson

‘As Leonie Frieda shows in this absorbing biography, Catherine was a well-intentioned woman who resorted to extreme measures only under pressure. With its engaging style and deft handling of complex events, this accomplished account of Catherine’s career is an engrossing tale, compellingly narrated.’
Anne Somerset, The Spectator

‘As Leonie Frieda relates in this well-researched and immensely readable first biography, from her turbulent home in Florence Catherine found herself presiding over perhaps the nastiest period in all French history. Frieda is much to be praised for painting a wonderfully rich canvas.’
Sir Alistair Horne, The Times

‘Leonie Frieda has produced an absorbing, entertaining study of a time when the luxury and depravity of princes went hand-in-hand with power-plotting, assassination and bloody vengeance.’
Peter Lewis, Daily Mail

‘Frieda’s confidence in her mission permeates the book, raising what is in any case a fascinating narrative to the level of cogent and powerful argument. … This intelligent and well-researched biography is a worthy testament to Catherine’s formidable strength. Catherine de Medici reveals Frieda, a first-time biographer, to be a writer of tremendous skill and talent.’
Dr Amanda Foreman, The Observer

‘Leonie Frieda has handled the history of this complex period with skill. Without skimping on the drama and debauchery of the court of the Valois, she has defended, but not whitewashed, Catherine and produced a fascinating picture of a remarkable woman.’
Sarah Bradford, Evening Standard

‘Leonie Frieda’s enjoyable and skilfully written biography … conveys, vividly at times, the outsize style of Renaissance rule: the Loire châteaux, the feasts and balls and masques, the exotic costumes, the elaborate needlework, the pioneering attempts at ballet and opera, the bizarre collection of stuffed objects that ranged from stuffed crocodiles to priceless manuscripts. Catherine’s supreme command of the political display is adroitly brought out.’
Prof. Blair Worden, The Sunday Telegraph

'This is a masterly biography and a fascinating one.'
John Jolliffe, The Independent

‘In Frieda’s scholarly tome, Catherine de Medici is painted not in the dark hues of her critics but using a more colourful palate. Through a prodigious amount of research, that was assisted by the author’s versatility in five European languages, all the colour and splendour of Catherine’s court is recreated.’
Stephen McGinty, The Scotsman

‘Frieda is passionate about her subject, and her prose is lyrical and exacting. Like a polished stone, it reveals the character depths beneath mere historical detail as she brings to brilliant life one of the most fascinating women of the 16th century. What raises this biography into a tour de force is Frieda’s ability to reframe completely our views about Catherine de Medici. This book is a remarkable achievement for Frieda, who has given us a marvellously compelling glimpse into a life led passionately.’
Julie Enfield, Toronto Globe and Mail

'Leonie Frieda has produced a formidable book. Meticulously researched and extremely well-written, this surely will be the definitive biography of Catherine de Medici for many years to come.'
Andrew Smith, Medieval History Magazine

'In this splendid, detailed and gripping biography, Frieda does Catherine ample justice.'
Munro Price, BBC History Magazine

‘Leonie Frieda is clearly already a very professional writer, but this is her first major work of history. It is a most excellent book that should be read by everybody who believes that education for its own sake has value, and that history in particular has cautionary tales to offer. Leonie Frieda, happily for us, manifests an Actonian sense of humour in her writing. The author paints a brilliant picture of the French court and of her subject’s private life.’
Claus von Bülow, Catholic Herald

‘Mrs Frieda’s book is a well-written and colourful journey through 16th century France, entertaining to read as well as frequently illuminating.’
Simon Heffer, Country Life

‘Frieda succeeds in making her subject interesting and coherent, and shows her operating in a political context that left no room for squeamishness or scruple.’
Charles Nicholl, The Sunday Times

‘Leonie Frieda’s richly detailed account … paints a most fascinating picture of French court life. The political complexities are kept mercifully clear, the main lines of rivalry sharp, the characters vivid.’
Ann Wroe, Daily Telegraph

‘Leonie Frieda’s description of events leading up to the St Bartholomew’s Day Massacre are dramatic and fascinating – a real page-turner. Thoroughly recommended.’
Tim Newark, Military Illustrated


‘Frieda’s biography of Catherine is a triumph of which she should be rightly proud. Better still, she succeeds where some historical biographers fail: she takes an interesting story and makes it live with her writing where the bland prose of others would kill our interest stone dead.’
Caroline Foulkes, Birmingham Post

http://www.leoniefrieda.com/review.htm

Stated by: Sami on November 28, 2004 10:32 AM

All I can say is that she must have one hell of a great editor.

Stated by: Sami on November 28, 2004 10:40 AM

I reckon her book was written by the people that fixed Dubbbbya's election.

Stated by: Bob Doney on November 28, 2004 12:51 PM

I think that you'll find that the majority of the reviews quoted are by her friends, or by friends of her boyfriend.

I'm afraid that I didn't get beyond paragraph five of the Telegraph article; not because it was dull (though it was) but because it was insufferably snooty, smug and self-absorbed. In fact it reads rather more like a Guardian opinion piece than a Telegraph one. Move over Polly Toynbee.

Stated by: James Hope on November 28, 2004 1:37 PM

"I reckon her book was written by the people that fixed Dubbbbya's election."

And I reckon the newspaper article was written by the same inept fools who, thank god, lost Kerry the election so disastrously, and consigned him to a political wilderness for the rest of his days.

Stated by: Sami on November 29, 2004 12:19 PM

She's well fit though. I can forgive her a lot for that.

Stated by: Mark on November 29, 2004 12:20 PM

I was strangely drawn to the phrase "pudding on the roof". I don't know why. Apart from that, obviously it was indeed b******s.

Stated by: BobC on November 29, 2004 12:51 PM

Bob C - I also noticed that term, but it conjured up an immediate picture in my mind of people in evening dress on crouched down on hands and knees lapping up their pudding on the roof.

I hope her book, so well thought of by all her friends and for which she travelled to the Loire Valley and other places, isn't full of such infelicitous phrases. Not that I'm going to find out.

Stated by: Verity on November 29, 2004 2:50 PM

Art inspires life as Private Eye's vacuous columnist Polly Filler is actually published by the tory graph.

Stated by: Francis Turner on November 30, 2004 9:49 AM
Stated by: gwheg on March 16, 2006 3:18 PM
Stated by: art on April 13, 2006 8:04 PM

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