July 16
2003
John McKenzie, national treasure
» Posted on July 16, 2003 03:00 PM » Category: General
The peerless Martin Samuel on the hilarious Leeds chairman, Professor John McKenzie:

These days, a player has to be ridden out of Elland Road on a rail. Out comes an indignant Professor John McKenzie brandishing faxes and e-mails that often seem to prove the point directly opposite to his own. He almost takes pride in the abysmal deal he has struck. In many ways, though, McKenzie is a national treasure. Fans at Luton Town, West Ham United and Arsenal must look at him and think: ?Well, it's bad ? but not that bad.?

The most amusing thing about Leeds chairmen is how ungrateful they are, con- sidering the circumstances. Remember all that energy Peter Ridsdale spent rubbishing Rio Ferdinand? Yet, had he not gone to Manchester United for almost £30 million, the board would be on the game by now.

Leeds initially opened talks with Liverpool about Harry Kewell earlier this year. Yet when the inevitable happened, they wanted to blame him for their own hopeless negotiations, having agreed that huge chunks of the fee should go to a third party.

I imagine the Professor as a particularly disputatious pet-shop owner. He has puppies in the window and a sign advertising their sale for £10. A man buys one and hands McKenzie a tenner. ?I see. So that's all you?re going to give me, then??

?But it says ten pounds.?

?Not much, though, is it??

?But it's what you asked for.?

?And you, you disloyal little toerag. I can?t believe you?re walking out just like that after all I?ve done. Well good riddance. Don?t worry about us. We?ll be all right.?

Man runs out of pet shop with puppy. McKenzie throws £10 into bottomless pit, walks to the window, slashes price to £5 and puts up sign saying EVERYTHING MUST GO.

?There. They won?t take me for a ride like that again.?

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