My Indie piece a couple of weeks ago on terrible behaviour in the concert hall prompted a flood of e mails. Almost all contained examples of similarly awful behaviour. Here are some of my favourite examples:

"There may well be a generalisation of annoying behaviour at concerts that is new. However, I can recall a couple of incidents from 1960s Edinburgh Festivals that were pretty intrusive, although shorter than those you endured.
The first was at during a performance of the Schubert Octet. The slow movement had just begun when the audience was startled by the slamming of the Assembly Hall door. A grand dame made her entry, progressing to the front row, clacking her heels all the way. After much bustling about seating herself, she took out her spectacles and shut the case with a snap audible all over the hall that made the bassoonist start
perceptibly.
Then there was the man in the audience who co-conducted amicably enough through first movement of a Sibelius symphony at the Usher Hall. However, during the second movement he began to lean over the balcony, shaking his fist and screaming "Faster, faster, you swine!" at the principal conductor. At that point Security removed him."

"I am still fuming at what happened to me on Saturday night at the balletÖMy husband and I were seated in the front row of the balcony in front of which is a wide wooden polished rail. To the right of us were 2 seats initially empty, but sadly not for long. Beyond those seats the row ended and you looked across the middle of the concert hall to the other side, the stalls being below. You probably get the picture. Two quite large ladies in voluminous attire, probably in their early forties, arrived to take up these seats. No problem, until one of them, fortunately the one on the far side, shook off her sandals and placed her plump, plainly dirty and certainly extremely smelly feet on the rail and left them there for the remainder of the performance. I suppose I should have been grateful that this person wasn't sitting directly behind me or else I would have had afore mentioned porkies poked next to my ears. At any event it was extremely difficult to concentrate on the ballet. It was one of those memorable nights, but for quite the wrong reason."

"As I read your article on the Offensive-Morons I couldn't help but think
that I too have encountered many branches of that family. As a regular attendee at the Barbican I have often had the displeasure to sit next to their cousin Mr Pretentious who likes to show off his musical knowledge by following the score, something he fails to do quietly. This fellow is not always as bright as he likes you to think as I have occasionally noticed that he is in totally the wrong place.
This horrible family are not confined to the concert hall; they spoil the
theatre as well. I could write a book as long as War & Peace relating tale of their inconsiderate relations. There is the German student branch who thought that because they could speak little or no English that gave them the right to talk during a performance of Richard II. Then there are the family friends who came along to watch Little Johnny's playmate in the chorus of Oliver. I don't think they even knew what the musical was about as they spoilt the evening for everyone in the vicinity with their cries of "there he is!". My heart went out to Nancy as she was giving it her all with "As Long As He Needs Me" for all we could hear above her magnificent effort was Little Johnny & his siblings slurping their drinks & crunching their crisps.
Another offshoot of the Offensive-Moron family is the member whose companion is so thick that she needs the plot explaining to her every few seconds. This particular O-M is usually a male who has taken out an educationally challenged female in the hope of impressing her with his intellect but has bought tickets for something far above her level of understanding; she would have trouble deciphering Teletubbies & thinks that opera is an American chat show host.
I must not forget the geriatric branch of the Offensive-Morons. One old dear brought the second half of a play at the National to a halt when she had trouble with her hearing aid. She may have been deaf but the actors & the rest of the audience heard her loud & clear. She has an assortment of brothers & sisters who think it their duty to pass comment on the action of a play in the most inappropriate moments & have even been known to sing along, bad enough if this is a musical but even more annoying in a serious play.
It also seems a shame that people do not make an effort when going out any more; yes I agree that the concept of black tie was stifling but now we are surrounded by theatre-goers who look like they have just come from the garden centre. I am also perplexed by the need to consume vast quantities of food when in the theatre or concert hall; why the need for a big box of chocolates to accompany a play. I stopped going to the cinema may years ago because I couldn't bear to be surrounded by an audience who were munching on popcorn & discussing all their friends love lives.
I remember attending a concert at the Barbican a few years ago; the London Symphony Orchestra were performing to their usual brilliant standard but I was aware of someone humming along to the music. It took me a while to realise that it was none other that the conductor for that evening Sir Colin Davis!"

"I agree with you, but where I live in the US, on Cape Cod in Massachusetts, my most frequent cultural activity, since there are few concerts, is movie going. There is an art in the theater I like the best, which is only open in the summer, to finding a quiet seat. This theater is a work of art with a huge mural (if you can call it that) by Rockwell Kent of mystical figures in a dance of love that stretches from end to end and across the curved ceiling of the theater, descending right to eye level on the walls. It was the theater where The Wizard of Oz debuted. But you would think people were watching TV when they go to the films there, which are mostly a mix of foreign and low budget American films. Not only is popcorn crunched throughout the film, but people just talk. Did you see that? or they get into arguments about what is going on. No, he didn't do that, what he did is.... So you have to find a seat with an aisle to the exit behind it, up front because most of the talkers sit in the middle. In any case, you must be prepared to do what I did three times this summer, stand up, walk over to an arguing couple and whisper through teeth clenched in anger and frustration: You are not at home watching a tape on your VCR. You are in a theater with other people. Would you please be quiet. At least when I do, there are a few moments of shocked silence, and I feel better.
Annoying mother and daughter at a showing of Wallace And Grommit at the Roxie, a San Francisco rep theatre. The staff threw them out. Daughter was put up to write a letter to the paper about how this never happened back home in Israel, among other absurd charges. Many other letters followed from regular punters telling the annoying mother and daughter exactly where to go."

"Spot on!! It is no better on this side of the pond. I go at least twice a month (symphony, opera, chamber music) and it is very, very rare when someone around me is not being a complete and total distraction. The worse time was the adult (40's) couple sitting in the $70 seats carrying on a loud, giggly, slurping romance during Stanislaw Skrowaczewski conducting his own Concerto for Orchestra; or perhaps it was the 20ish woman sitting 2 feet away from me at Handel's Ariodante who absolutely could not sit still for 5 seconds, culminating in her standing and walking the aisle, repeatedly."

"I recently attended a performance of All my Sons by Arthur Miller in Exeter. It is a set text for A level, and the evening was ruined by a coach party of 17 year olds on their first ever theatre visit. They took page after page of notes throughout the performance ripping out sheets of paper at regular intervals - it was gruesome.
When I complained to the teachers I was abused, as they felt that as they
needed to pass the A level, they should work through their list of questions during the performance.



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